2005-06-03 - 11:29 p.m.

Aphids are a diverse group, of small, oval shaped, gross little fuckers, that have two tubes projecting from their abdomen that leek addictive (to ants) goo, much like Mugwumps. But UnLike Mugwumps Aphids come in pink, gray, white, green and black varieties. Yup, all your faverate colors.

Most have long antennas and some adult stages have wings, for those of you out there who like wings. Aphids are relatively common insects on plants, although populations are usually small. If populations do explode, aphids can lead to damage to leaves and fruits. In extreme cases they can effect the entire plant. And on some of my plante we have more of a population probiblem than Tokyo does.

The first sign of an Aphid infestation is wilted looking plants that aren't thriving. Looking a little closer and you could see a dense colonies of tiny {1/32" - 1/8"} SoftBodied, PearShaped ickys, that especially like the tender growing tips and UnderSides. The whole family will be found feeding together, isn't that nice.

Aphids are little plant vampires, and feed by sucking plant juices, which is damaging enough, but the most serious damage comes from the plant diseases they carry, those dirty whores. They also produce honeyDew Gizm. This can grow an unsightly, and potentially fatal, sooty black mold, but it does hose or wash off with some soapy water I am told.

Remember, a few aphids will not cause problems, it's only when aphid populations explode that you can run in to trouble. And if your wondering what an explostion of ickies looks like, come on up, I'll show you. Aphids multiply so rapidly because they're born pregnant. Icky. InFact, there are tiny secondary embryos inside the first embryos! Icky. Icky. So They becom GrandParents almost immeaditly. Add to this the fact that Aphids reach AdultHood in one week and you can see why they can suck so much.

There are so many Aphid species that just about every plant has at least one species that likes it, and right now I have the kind that just loves caribbean red peppers.

Also, you may also want to keep an eye out for ants on your plants. Ants will often "herd" and protect aphids in order to feed on the partially digested nectar they secrete from the tubes on their abdomen (called honeydew Mugwump Jizm). Ants may even carry aphids to new "pasture" on other leaves or plants.

Fuckers! They all must Fucking die! I understand LadyBugs eat them. Chomp, chomp, (Oh my God!) munch munch, crunch, (Oh the carnage!)gobble, gobble, (Their eating babies with babies!) chew, chew, slurp, (Oh the humanity!) gulp. Ahhhhhhh.

So does AnyBody have any hungry LadyBugs?

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